Perspectives: Staples

 How  many messages have been stapled to this telephone poll?  Do you ever feel like communication is like this?

Correctness

I'm listening to a Great Courses series of lectures called "The Secret Life of Words: English Words and their Origins." The lecturing professor is Anne Curzan. She is the dean of Literature, Science, and the Arts at the University of Michigan. The lecture series is fascinating. I've been springing tidbits on Steve each evening - there are many ah ha moments regarding language. 

 Today as I was driving into work, the lecture topic was "Firefighters and Freshpersons." In this lecture, Curzan defines politically correct language as "language that respects all groups of speakers and respects what groups would like to be called. It also works from the premise that language matters." 

 Think about that for a moment. In my workplace, we spend a lot of time making sure that we spell people's names correctly - correctly being defined as how that person spells his or her own name. If Jayne Smythe says that is how her name is spelled, then to spell it Jane Smith would be wrong. I like this definition of politically correct language because it pulls its "correctness" from the subject of the language, and that makes sense to me. 

 Language does matter. How we speak is what people hear. What they hear has an impact on them, and on their beliefs about us, and about their beliefs concerning what we believe. It shapes what is acceptable behavior. And it shows our respect (or lack of respect) for someone else. The old adage that "words will never hurt us" is wrong. You know it, and I know it - both of us, I'm sure, have been hurt by words. Word choice is important. And we can't refuse the accept the responsibility for the impact our words have on someone else. Or even on society. 

 For example, it's been a very long time since I was a girl. Or a young lady. And there are still people who use those words when speaking to me or about me. To me, they denote a lack of respect for who I am. No one would come into our office and refer to the men (man) here as a boy or a young man. Because he isn't. And when someone uses them to refer to me, my image of that person is shaped by the disrespect I perceive. To say that I am being "overly sensitive" is to deny the responsibility for the impact of the words. 

 The truth is, I want people to be respectful of others, and I want to be respectful of others. Respect is a sign that you see the person in front of you as another human - not as an object. And if we can't sum up the change of heart to be respectful in truth, then we can at the very least, demonstrate correctness by our word choice. It's trite, but fake it until you make it. Our language can change the world, even if our heart has not been changed. And then, maybe then, our hearts will grow, too.

Changing the Story

While the church is committed to changing the world, let me suggest that we need to start by changing our story. A future with hope is one we can build together intentionally, while the future of fear is one from which we can only run haphazardly. The difference is the story we decide to tell.

So you want those millennials to start attending your church? Great! A funeral in progress may not be the strongest story we can tell. So let’s stop telling the tale about the death of the church and start writing the story about the future of the church. Our rewrite cannot ignore current realities, but it must refuse to be limited by them.

This quote is from an article on ChurchLeadership.com written by Patrick Scriven.  It's a good article - take a gander when you have a moment.

What story are we telling those we hope to win for Christ?  Are we saying, "Come to this church; we are dying and need more members?"  Or are we telling them, "Christ has made a difference in my life, and in the lives of the people in this community.  Come and join us."?

I know I keep harping on the same question, but I hear the two messages all the time.  Which one are we called to tell?  What should be our story?

Moving the focus

Today, something different.  I have recently been elected to coordinate the Communications Ministry at my church, so articles relating to that topic are catching my eye.  This morning I read one from the Lewis Center called "Eight Reasons Why People Aren't Listening to Announcements."  If it interests you, read it here.

One of the themes in the article is that we write and deliver announcements from the angle of how they will benefit the announcer - "I need you to volunteer; the Church needs you to give money; this project needs your participation."  We use "insider" language and don't consider our target audience.

I think all of that is true, and it strikes me as un-Christian.  What if our announcements (and our ministry) were focused on loving the person in front of us.  Announcements might be more concerned with how the message will benefit the person to whom we are speaking.  They might focus on loving others and celebrating their ministry.  The announcements might be more impactful and effective if they followed Jesus' words to "love others."

So, the question for me is how to do that.

Communication from my point of view

Be aware.  I am not an official communicator.  I do not have a degree in Communications; no one has certified me as having any skill in the field. 

I'll be arrogant enough, however, to tell you that this is what I believe.  I write these words as if I am the object of your communication efforts:

1. If you want me to know something, then you have to make the effort to bring it to my attention.  I won't see it otherwise.  Whatever it is that you want me to know probably matters more to you than to me, so you need to be proactive about it.  Don't just sit around assuming I'll find out what you want me to know on my own.  I won't.
2. Please do not assume that telling me once is enough.  You need to tell me 10 times for me to hear it once.  Don't assume I'm not listening if you tell me once, in one particular way, that if I don't act on it, I'm not interested.  You haven't worked hard enough for me to find out what you are trying to tell me.
3. You need to tell me in more ways that one.  Use lots of different methods to get my attention.  Don't assume that because you are using the easiest method or the one that you listen to the most that I am like you, and will be listening.
4. If you are communicating, it is your job to communicate in a way that I will understand.  Don't be angry at me if I don't understand you; it's your job to make yourself understood.  Remember, it's more important to you that to me.
5. If you have told me, and I acknowledged that you told me, remind me anyway.  I may not remember, but you are remembering, so remind me. 

Talk to me, baby

Today was Laity Day at church. As the Lay Leader, I planned the worship service. It's my fourth one to plan. I don't always preach, but I have for two of the four that I've planned.

As I think about the day, and I re-read my post from Friday night, I think I have a different answer for a couple of the questions, so I'm taking another shot at it.

1. What are a few of the tasks that you find tedious/energy sucking in your ministry position? Please note I said 'tasks' not people :)One of the things that drains my energy for whatever I am doing, weather it is in church work or work work is a lack of communication. I want people to know what is going one. I want to know what is going on myself. In these days and times, communication can be so much easier than I imagine it was before -- emails, cell phones, text messages, voice mail -- all of them can make it easier.
2. Is there anything you could do to make one of them better? Sleep more. I think the best I can do to make this better is to communicate the best I can and hope that others will follow suit.

Talk to me, baby; I want to know.