Perspectives: Kindness

 Still posting signs from my blog image archive.  This one was taken in a bathroom.  Ignoring the weird punctuation, this image reminds me of the necessity of kindness.  This sign - in both its wording (even though it says Thank You) and its intention (which isn't visible in the image, but that I am aware of) wasn't kind.

I chose this image today because I was frustrated yesterday by someone who wasn't kind to someone else.  There are constructive ways to speak - and hurtful ones - about the same truth.  Can't we chose to be kind?

Stingy Kindness

Are our acts of kindness "stringy?"

Yesterday, a person thanked me for doing something.  She called it kind, and she said that she hoped she would be able to pay it back someday. Truthfully, when I was doing it, I didn't think of it as an act of kindness - I just saw it as something that needed to be done, but if it was kindness, I didn't do it for "payback." I didn't, and don't, intend for there to be a reciprical action.

When I said so to this person, she said, "Yes, I know, pay it forward, right?"

No.  It's kindness.  It's an act of grace.  There are no expectations. No demands.  No strings.  I told her that, and she had trouble, I think, accepting it.

Do we have trouble accepting grace? Are we kind with the expectation of reciprocity? Stringy kindness is not grace.  It's not free.  And it might not actually be very kind.

Wind Blows Where it Chooses

"The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” (John 3:8)

I think that verse is one of those lovely verses in John that we know must be true, but we just don't take the time to know what it means. At least for me, this is true. I've read it, but I"m always distracted by the rest of the very lovely chapter, and I don't think about this verse.

This morning, I was reading a chapter from Rachel Held Evans book, Searching for Sunday; she was writing about this verse. Jesus is trying to explain -- well -- everything to Nicodemus, and Nic isn't getting it. So, finally, Jesus tells him to compare the spirit to the wind - in fact, he uses a word that means both spirit and wind. 

Think about it. You see the work of God in the world, if you will look, but like hearing the wind, you don't know where God comes from, where God is going. You can't predict the wind (or God); you can't control the wind (or God). Even though we try.

If we look, we will see the work of God everywhere. Evans says we will recognize God's work by the fruit - fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Where have you seen those lately?

A few days ago, I was driving to work, and I saw a turtle trying to cross the road. In our impatient world,  no one is going to wait for the turtle to cross the road, or even notice that it is there. A turtle crossing the road is going to die. Horribly (for the turtle). I often just drive by, in a hurry to get where I cam going and do what I need to do, but today, I stopped and turned around. I was going to get the turtle out of the road.

As I was driving back to the turtle crossing, I saw a very large, black SUV coming down the road, right at the poor, slow turtle. Surprising to me, it stopped, right before it hit the turtle. A large (by large, I mean tall, athletic, young) man stepped out of the car. He rescued the turtle.

Kindness, right in front of me. 

The spirit moving. 

It wasn't a bit thing (unless you were the turtle), but maybe it was a big thing. Maybe it was God at work in that man's life, and in my life, to make himself known.

The wind blows where it chooses.

Perspectives: Kindness

I don't know why I wanted to take a picture of this mail box, but sometimes, something I see says, "Take my picture and write a blog post about me!" So I do.

This is in the post office across the street from our offices. It reminds me of a time when I wrote letters. Actual letters. Not emails. Not texts. Not even cards. Actual, newsy letters. I wasn't a great letter writer - I procrastinated when it was "my turn" to write, but it was how my dad and I kept in touch as I was growing up. We wrote each other letters. 

I remember Steve telling the story (and I remember his mother telling it) that when she was in Europe, living there with George and later with George, Bob and Steve, she wrote a letter every day. One day she would write to her mother; the next day she would write to George's mother (her mother-in-law). 

I like digital. I like the convenience of email, of texting, of picking up the phone. I don't want to go back to not having that, but there is a certain kindness that is involved in letter writing. Writing a letter is more trouble; when you get one, you know that the person sat down and invested time in contact you. So this is my question: How do we maintain that kind of kindness in our digital world?

Kindness Received

Yesterday I wrote about kindness, and how it surprised me that this word appeared on my "radar" so abruptly and constantly at the beginning of the year. 

As a certified lay minister, I am interviewed every other year by the District Committee on Ministry. I was driving to that interview, thinking about what questions the committee might ask me, rehearsing answers in my mind. Do you do that? 

"What has church meant to you this past year?" I'm not sure that question came to mind, but it did. Last year had challenges, and as I thought about the question, I said (in my mind), "If I consider last year, I think of the ways the church - not just my local church, but the Church - has helped during the challenges we had. I think about all of those who were supportive between the month when Steve lost his job (reduction in staff) and when he started his new one. I think of the friend who offered assurances that "everything will work out." I think of the friend who offered the services of his sister to review Steve's resume. I think of all of the people who offered both concrete and emotional help. 

I think about when our dog was lost. I remember the man who took off work to look for her. I remember all of those who offered understanding, concrete advice and help. I think of the card the choir sent to us after Molly had been found. I think of the friend who knew what to do, how to do it, and then sent a card when there was nothing else to be done. I remember the friends who listened to the whole story - more than once - as we worked through our sadness and anger. 

I remember what church has been, and all of those actions of all of those people can be summed up in the word kindness.

I have received kindness; no wonder God wants me to think about ways to offer it.

Kindness

Kindness.

Have you ever heard of the practice of choosing a word for the year and making that word your "focus?" I've heard of it, and I always thought it was a little - I don't know - not silly, not odd - but something. Limiting? Would I only focus on peace for a whole year? Let's just say that it has never been something I wanted to try.

This year, however, a word has been hounding me. At the beginning of the year, I was hearing it everywhere. Sometimes, for me, that is a sign that God wants me to pay attention. That word for me was "kindness."  

I had heard it often enough as the year started that I thought I needed to give it some extra thought. Kindness. I wrote in my bullet journal that I think I was being pushed to think of ways to think and speak with more kindness.

And then one day, I was complaining about someone to a friend. (So much for kindness). The friend said, "smother her with kindness." My response? "I don't want to." I didn't want to, but that was what I tried to do. 

As I thought about it later, I was reminded that kindness is a gift of the spirit. A gift from God. We don't have to depend on ourselves to be kind. We can depend on God to grant us the ability to be kind. When we don't feel like it, when we don't want to, when we know we can't, on our own, be kind, God will give us the grace of kindness - a gift that we can offer others because we have been equipped to do so through the actions of the Holy Spirit.

I'll try to remember that this year as I strive for kindness.

Monty's Blessing

The pastor of the church where our offices are located gave the following blessing at an event:

Help us remember that we have chosen to be kind and to be civil, to listen before we speak, so that those who do not know your love will see it shining through us.

I liked it so much, I quickly typed it into my notes app so that I could share it with the blog.

"Help us remember that we have chosen to be kind and to be civil."  Do you ever consider that kindness and civility are a choice? Do you intentionally choose to practice kindness? I think for many of us, kindness is often our response, but we don't always see it as an intentional choice. Sometimes it is difficult to be kind, and our first response is not kindness. It is at that point that it becomes difficult to choose another path. It becomes difficult to choose civility over hurtfulness. We want to lash out; we want to return hurt for hurt. At that point, the word "choose" becomes very important and clear to us. It is at that point that we are called to choose kindness and civility.

Do we listen before we speak? Do we listen at all? Often, I know that I am planning my next words while someone else is speaking - that prevents listening, I think. While I may be able to hear the person speaking, I'm not considering what he or she is saying; I'm automatically countering it. We need to choose to listen before we speak.

And what will be the result? Those who do not know God's love will see it shining through. Amen.

Is it kindness?

Yesterday, as I drove home from work, I saw a piece of paper sticking under my windshield wiper.  I was stopped at a light, so I quickly got out of the car to grab the paper. It was a "God Bless You" bookmark.  I know it was placed there by someone who wanted to supply news of a God's love - who truly wanted me to know I was blessed.

And yet, having had to stop the car, get out, worry about getting hit by a car, and get back in the car, it didn't feel like a blessing.  It felt like an intrusion. It could be that I was just grumpy, but it doesn't seem like it was a blessing to me.

Do we do that? Do we fail to place ourselves in others' shoes when we seek to "be a blessing?"  Do we consider others less than we consider what makes us feel good?  As if we have done our good dead for the day?

I suppose I should just accept the action of the other as an act of kindness, but it doesn't feel like kindness.

False Kindness

We traveled a lot (for us) in October.  I can't remember if we were coming or going, but we were standing in line at the airport when I overheard a passenger in line behind me say to her friend, "I show false kindness all the time." The two women seemed to be speaking of kindness with contempt. "They call it kindness because they don't know other word to use."

I wonder about that.  Is false kindness false? Or is it kindness?  Or, is it only the layer we project to hide our thoughts?

Kindness is defined as, "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate."  The Bible calls kindness one of the gifts of the spirit. Psalm 145:9 says, "The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he had made."  I think kindness may be part of how we show love to each other.

I don't always feel like being kind.  And I'm not always kind, but there are times when I act with kindness, in love, even when I don't feel like it.  I think that's still kindness.

So when is kindness "false?" Is it when we act out of selfish motivations or with when "kindness" is only the layer we hide behind when we are truly being hurtful? Is it when we are inauthentic? Is it when we the person we are standing with thinks, "If smiles could kill, I would be a goner?" When do we cross the line from kindness when we don't feel like it to kindness that is not kind at all?

Courage

Last night Steve and I went to see the movie The Hobbit.  Good movie.  Get comfortable; it's 3 hours long.  Peter Jackson doesn't know how to make a short movie.  And this is just 1/3 of the book.

Anyway, Gandolf finds a sword in a cave and give it to Bilbo.  The Hobbit replies that he doesn't know anything about using a sword.  Gandolf says, "True courage is not about knowing when to take a life but when to spare one."

It's probably rare that you or I have to decide if we are going to take a life or spare it, but expand the thought a little bit.  Think about the weapon we use all the time -- our words.  It is easy to cut someone with what we say.  Even if it doesn't physically kill them, it does kill something, each time we do it. 

Perhaps true courage could also be sparing people from the barbs of our words -- building them up instead of tearing them down.

There is alot of talk lately about 26 random acts of kindness.  Maybe some of mine and some of yours could be kind acts of speech.

Impressions

Steve, Josh and I spent the weekend in Washington -- a spring break trip.

At the hotel where we stayed, I noticed that a previous guest in the room had been writing thank you notes at the desk. I would tell because whoever wrote the notes placed the card directly on the wood of the desk.  The pressure from the pen had slightly indented the surface of the desk.  In the right light, if you paid attention, you could read the writing impressions.

Words like "kind" and "loving heart" were impressed on the desk.

I hope our actions leave those kind of impressions on the lives of the ones we come close to.