Regrettable Fear

There was a time, near the beginning of 2007, when I wrote down every prayer I was going to pray in public. This meant that I didn't like to be surprised by prayer -- I wanted preparation time. A woman in a class I was teaching challenged me on this habit -- although I don't think she was specifically challenging ME (maybe she was!) -- and I gave it some thought.

I decided that I believed that I was serving God by being Lay Leader of my church, and that he had called me to that job. If I believed that, then I had to believe that he would equip me to do that job. I believed that the gift of praying in public, with no preparation, was a necessary one for a Lay Leader. If I believed all of that, then to not believe that God to lead me to this gift was to fail to trust him. I started purposefully not planning prayers -- going by the "seat of my pants" on purpose. In class, when I knew I had to open or close with prayer, I started not planning it. It was amazing (to me) that what I needed to say would come to me -- in the middle of praying. The prayers might not be as polished or as poetic, but they were real.

Now, I don't even think about it. I love to be asked to pray, and I just do it. I find it a joy. Perhaps it is an even sweeter joy because God helped me to overcome fear to do it.

Yesterday, I backed away from doing something that I should have done, and I backed away out of fear. I regret that.

I will come to you in the silence,
I will lift you from your fear
You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice,
be still and know I am here.

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me, I will bring you home;
I love you and you are mine.

(Hymn lines from "You are Mine" -- Words and Music by David Haas)

Image: More from the park.