Rewriting the Story

How do we respond to people who are experiencing grief? Do you find it one of the most difficult things we do as part of a Church - to try to offer comfort to those in grief? Do you struggle with what to say? To do? I do, and I think we all do. I think this struggle is why people say words that they think might be comforting but really aren't.

Our former pastor tells the story of when his son died. Someone said something to him along the vein of "God must have needed another angel." It wasn't comforting to Jack (our pastor). It made him angry, and he expressed the anger to the person who said it. I can't blame him.

How do we provide comfort? If you are reading this because you think I might have an answer, go find another blog. I don't have one. 

Last year our dog died. She had been at the vet, being boarded, and the technician gave her to the wrong owner. She broke loose, ran away, and was hit by a car. What was comforting during that time was the kindness offered by people, the friends who listened to our story and sympathized. What was not comforting was the person who said, "That's why I always hire a dog sitter rather than board our dog."

Oh, well.

Peter Wallace, in the book, says that Jesus reacted to other people's grief by promising hope, encouraging faith, and by revealing himself. The last one in that list might have been my favorite. Consider the story in Matthew as the resurrected Jesus walks with the two people going to Emmaus. He listens to their story (a loving act), and then rewrites their story for them, sharing it in the light of scripture. 

Comfort in the face of grief rewrites the story. The ending doesn't change, but the experience is rewritten as people show us concern and love.