Doubt

The problem with reading blogs is that I will read something interesting -- thought provoking -- and then turn off the computer, and not have any idea where that interesting, thought provoking post was. Frustrating.

I read something, somewhere, about doubt. The person who wrote it, whose name I can't remember and whose blog escapes my mind, thought that doubt was a sin. He believed that it must be sinful if it separates us from God.

Hmm. So, I pulled out my Bible, and opened it to the the famous doubting passage:

John 20: 19-29 On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you." And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe." Eight days later, his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. The doors were shut, but Jesus came and stood among them, and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believing." Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."

Notice, I have included a few verses previous to the Thomas scene. I hadn't realized that Jesus showed the other disciples the marks of the nails. Thomas was asking for something that the others had already received. Physical proof. He must have needed it because Jesus "made a special trip," and provided it.

Jesus could have said, "Forget it. You'll have to believe that I am risen without physical proof." He could have said, "Doubt is a sin. I will not be an cater to sin. Get over it." But he didn't. He provided what Thomas needed. In effect, the doubt was the catalyst which allowed Jesus to lead Thomas to the next step on his (Thomas's) journey. Am I stretching here?

Is it a sin to doubt? I think that question might depend on what your definition of doubt is. Does doubt mean refusing to have faith or trust? Does doubt mean the questioning of what others are accepting? It does seem from the scripture that Jesus would rather Thomas had believed without physical proof. Could it be that he hoped Thomas would believe because he knew that the rest of us would have to believe without any physical proof at all? We don't have the disciples' advantage of physical proof. Our faith is in the unseen.

I still haven't answered my own question. I do not believe that it is sinful to question. Obviously. I'm full of questions. God created us as logical (most of the time) beings with minds and curiousity. It is our job to try to discern between real and false teachings. We are called to doubt and explore possiblities. I truly believe that we should not leave our faith shallow. We are to dig deeper; we are to doubt and struggle so that we grow. God will provide us with what we need, just as Jesus showed Thomas the marks. He will help us through our doubt so that we can move from freshly minted Christians to children mature in faith.

So does doubt ever become a sin? Maybe it does when we value our doubt more than we value God. If our doubt becomes so important to us that we set aside God in order to nurture and care for the doubt, then we have crossed a line into sin. When we are reaching toward God even though we are standing in the mire of doubt, He will reach for us, and lead us out of the mud. It is when we are standing stubbornly up to our waists in the mud of doubt, arms crossed, eyes closed, that we won't see the hand of God. We are left only with the doubt.