Heartbreak

Yesterday I talked about expectations and disappointment. There is a particular kind of disappointment that Brown (Rising Strong) calls heartbreak. "Heartbreak comes from the loss of love or the perceived loss of love. My heart can be broken only by someone ... to whom I have given my heart."

The most obvious example of heartbreak is the loss experienced by the death of a loved one, but there are other kinds - the loss of love in a relationship, the hurt experienced after the action of a friend, the blameless loss experienced when a loved one moves away (or goes to college). We hurt - our heart hurts.

"To love with any level of intensity and honesty is to become vulnerable."

When I was dating Steve, Mom said, "I just don't want you to be hurt." I told her I knew I could be hurt, but I was willing to risk it anyway. And because I did, I have experienced the greatest joys of my life - my relationship with my husband, the gift of my children.

Do we avoid heartbreak by avoiding love? God has made us to love others, and it is that very love that makes us vulnerable to heartbreak. The only way to protect ourselves from heartbreak is to keep our hearts to ourselves, and to not love others. It's not an acceptable trade.

Anticipating Pain

Leonard Cohen writes, in the song Hallelujah:

Maybe there's a God aboveBut all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.

What is our first response to anticipated pain? Have you ever had a backache that resulted in more pain because of the way you were walking to protect yourself from the back pain? Have you ever dropped eye medication on your eye lid instead of into your eye because you blinked in anticipation of the drop? 

How do we react when we believe someone has the power and the intent to hurt us? Do we strike out first - "shooting at someone who might outdraw us?" 

How do anticipated responses such as that alter our relationships? Prevent the development of relationships? 

As we read the Bible, we see a different kind of reaction. Jesus knew what was coming, and what did he do? He walked into the garden. It was an incredible vulnerability, and yet it paved the way for love.

I'm not advocating that everyone walk into a garden and submit to execution, but are we willing to speak and risk rejection? Truthfully, I often avoid situations that might lead to rejection, but is that really the way to go?